For years I was a chronic insomniac. I know my livingroom couch like the back of my hand. I’ve read a lot of books between the hours of 3:00 and 6:00 am. I know more than I want to about the nocturnal guy who lives across the road (why would anyone keep that much string in their garage? Who invites someone to take pictures of their house at 2:00 in the morning? Why doesn’t he throw anything away?). I can pour myself a bowl of cereal without turning on the kitchen lights or making any noise.
But those days are over. I have learned to embrace my inner sleeper. Every night before going to bed I sigh, “Aaaahhhh, I love going to bed.” It drives my husband crazy.
How did I do it, you ask? The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice. And by that I don’t mean practice lying in your bed for 8 hours a night not sleeping. I mean take some time during the day to learn how to let go, physically and mentally. Before, when I was an insomniac, I had no idea how to reach a state of complete and utter relaxation, which I think is key for achieving a good night’s sleep, especially if you’re a chronic insomniac. I used to wake up in the morning (if I hadn’t already been awake all night) clenching all my arm muscles. The second I awoke I was tense. I had no idea why, and no-one even understood my complaint (one physiotherapist recommended sleeping with more pillows). Only now do I realize that I constantly maintained a state of heightened vigilance and alertness, even when I was sleeping. I probably rarely entered deep, stage four sleep, which is absolutely mandatory for a wide range of bodily and mental functions, including muscle repair.
When I had young children it was even worse. Mothers seem to have a sixth sense—they often wake up in the night even before their child starts crying. For me this reflex never shut down. Even now I usually wake immediately when a child enters my room. But I used to be on my feet at the first peep, worrying. Now I can reassure myself that if they really need me, they’ll come get me, and even if I’m in a really deep sleep they can shake me awake.
I achieved sleep nirvana by practicing deep relaxation techniques, especially meditation and body scanning. I would say that the latter was most helpful for shutting down physically, and the former helped me learn to settle my mind. Together they get me out of most insomniac situations. (Note: I also took care of some of the emotional baggage that kept me awake at night.)
There are many body scans you can use. I like one by Jon Kabat-Zinn
(click here for link to CD or tape). When you first start practicing, you should set aside about 45 minutes to an hour per day, at least a few times a week (the more the better), to listen to a guided body scan. You begin by lying down on your back, feeling your body sinking into the mattress. Focus on your breathing—make sure it’s your belly going up and down, in and out, and not your chest. When you feel ready, focus your attention on your left toes. Feel yourself breathing into your left toes (you can even go toe by toe) and out from your left toes. Repeat this, gradually shifting your attention to the bottom of your left foot, the top of your left foot, your left heel, your left ankle, and so on. With every exhalation, let go of the part of the body you’ve been focusing on. Gradually make your way up your left leg, then do your right leg, left arm, right arm, torso, neck, parts of the face. It’s much easier to do this with the recording to guide you and keep you focused.Once you master the body scan, and get familiar with the feeling of letting go, you can use the tool however you like. Sometimes I use it to take a nap during the day (something I could never do before when I was a non-sleeper; now I find it really helps me to recharge and deal more effectively with the evening family routine if I’ve gotten up very early). Usually before going to bed I start doing the scan in my mind; I’m usually out before I hit my left knee. Similarly, if I wake in the night and I’m afraid I won’t be able to get back to sleep, I start the scan and it usually works.
Being able to turn off your mind and let go of your thoughts complements letting go physically; you can achieve this by practicing meditation (link forthcoming).
There are many other techniques for getting a good night’s sleep, such as going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, not watching TV in bed, turning off the computer or TV at least an hour before bedtime, using your bed only for sleeping and sex, and so on (click here or here or here for sound advice). But unless you really know what it feels like to let go, turn off, and shut down, you may not achieve consistent, deep, replenishing sleep. And if you’re recovering from burnout or any other illness, this is what you need most. Listen to your body: it will know when it’s getting the rest it needs and when it’s beginning to replenish its resources. Until then, sleep as deeply and as well as you can, as much and as often as you can. And don’t forget to practice.
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